Johnny Wraith Stories

Johnny,

I haven't seen my next door neighbor in quite a while, nor have I heard any sounds of sinful, pre-paid lust coming through the walls. I am beginning to detect a wiff of corruption around the place; my sinuses have been acting up lately, so I can't tell if it's the usual funk from my place, or if it is, in fact, her rotting body. Nobody else has commented on anything being out of place, so I am beginning to fear that it is I who has died. If, upon investigation, you discover that I am dead, please act accordingly.

Please advise me as to your recommended course of action. Please limit yourself to just one dead hooker joke. Ok, two if you must!

Thanks,

Ronald

Given we talked today via cellephonic means, I surmise you are not dead, unless as Charon ferries the dead across Styx, you are now taxiing souls across the desert, and only the telephone company and its satellites are able to connect the land of the living with that of the dead, unless I too am dead but still insisting upon walking the earth wearing but a mask of a living man.

Johnny,

Your last comment reminds me of the last scene of the movie, "D.C. Cab." After the credits have rolled, the screen is black for a second, then you see the interior of a cab, with the driver kicking back reading a newspaper. This old man dressed in black gets in, and the driver doesn't even look up. Here's the rest of the scene:

Driver: "Where to?"

Old Man: "I am the Angel of Death. (Pause) Take me to Hell."

Driver: "Got any luggage?"

Blackout to copyright notice

Sooner or later I may meet that old man. I hope I can be just as nonchalant.

Ronald