Johnny Wraith Stories

At a counter in the corner of the gym, we could sit on stools and drink protein drinks, eat nutrition bars, buy tokens for the tanning beds, or just chitchat. Billy worked there. He was mid-30s, looked Italian, had curly, black hair and tattooed, muscular arms. When he smiled, a large, silver tooth gleamed.

It was just me and Billy at the counter; me on a stool, him on the other side, leaning my way on his elbows.

“How did it go with Laura the other night?” asked Billy.

“Not good.” I answered.

“Didn’t score?”

“Nope.”

“Why not? Dave nailed her first time out.”

“It started great. We were kissing in my car at the park. All was going well, until…” I paused and hung my head.

Billy reached over and gave me a rough pat on the shoulder. “Yeah? Out with it!”

I sighed and looked up. “I left the engine running. We were on a hill, my foot on the brake pedal. A few minutes into making out, my foot came off the brake and we rolled into a parked car.”

“What the hell? Why did you do that?”

“Didn’t mean to.”

“Shit, man, next time kill the engine and set the parking brake!”

I nodded, despondently. “I guess I was too anxious.”

“Yeah, you’re still only 17. What did you do after that?”

“Looked around, didn’t see anyone, so, I backed out and drove off.”

“Did you make a dent?”

“Not sure. It was dark.”

“What did Laura say?”

“She said ‘Let’s get the fuck out of here!’”

Billy and I laughed.

“You can still go out with her again.”

“Nope. When I took her home, she said we should just be friends.”

“That sucks. Too bad you messed up,” Billy said, gently patting my shoulder.

“All the other guys my age seem to get laid pretty easy.”

“Most of them are lying,” asserted Billy.

“Some of them score as much as they say.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Mark’s sister says so – she hears it at school, from the girls,” I argued.

“Maybe so, maybe…” Billy acknowledged. He thought and rubbed his chin for a minute. I thumbed through a muscle mag sitting on the counter. He came back: “What about Missy? You took her out a few times. She talked about you when she came in to tan.”

“She talked about me?”

“Yeah.”

“What did she say?”

“Cant’ tell. I keep everything confidential – just like this conversation.”

“Then why are you asking me?”

“I just want to know why you think you didn’t score.”

I pondered the question and replied with a dumb shrug.

“Come on. I think you know,” Billy encouraged.

“I don’t,” I insisted.

“Think about the guy she’s dating now.”

“Todd?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know. He’s kind of a dork. But…”

“But…?” pressed Billy.

“He’s got a new Camero?”

“Exactly.”

“There’s no way I’ll ever get a Camero,” I stated.

“Johnny. That’s not it. The point is you aren’t offering girls anything. Even though you drive an old VW Bug, and have little money…”

I interrupted. “Then I’m out of luck! I only have a $30.00 a month allowance… am I glad the first of the month is just two days away.”

“You don’t need much money – if you can offer a girl a good time. Make her laugh. Make her feel good,” explained Billy.

“I thought I had a good sense of humor,” I defended.

“You do, but around girls you clam up. I’ve seen how you are.”

I sighed. “See? With my personality, I do need to impress them with money.”

“Johnny, you just need to spot your customers. Find the right girl. She’s the one that needs what you can offer.”

“What do you mean? How do I spot the right girl and how do I know what to offer?”

Billy leaned in closer and whispered. “You know Tanya?”

“Yeah,” I whispered back.

“She likes you.”

“Really?”

“Really. She thinks you’re cute and said so. You don’t act awkward around her. And sometimes you two work out together.”

“She’s like 5 years older than me. That’s why she’s easy to talk to. I never thought of her that way. She’s a friend.”

“Exactly.”

“You really think?”

Billy continued whispering. “I have a secret recipe. Just arrange a date and go over to her house with some weed. She LOVES it!”

“Weed!” are you kidding?

Billy held up his hand like a cop stopping a car. “Shhhh… keep it down.” His eyes darted around behind me. Then he reached under the counter, pulled out a St. Louis Cardinals gym bag, and opened it. His closed fist came out. The bag disappeared.

Billy leaned over the counter and whispered again. “Stick this in your pocket, and don’t let anyone see it.”

He passed something wrapped in cellophane, his fist to mine. I quickly stuffed it into my shorts.

“Thanks,” I said.

“No problem,” said Billy. “It’s all about Economics. Now you have a commodity to trade with Tanya that she wants.” He picked up a pen and wrote “Tanya,” an address, and a phone number on a notepad. He tore the note off, and handed it to me.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Not a problem.”

“I’ll probably chicken out of calling.”

“Naw…” Billy shook his head. “You’ll be here tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“See you then.”

We said goodbye. I hopped off the stool and headed out, got in my VW, threw the package in the glove box. Before starting the engine, I realized something, got out and ran back in. Just as Billy was hanging up the phone, I leaned over the counter and whispered. “How do I smoke it?”

Billy chuckled and whispered back. “Tanya will show you. I just got off the phone with her. You’re having dinner with her, tomorrow night, at her place. 7 o’clock. She’s excited.”

The next evening, it was 6:50pm, late April, so the sun was just touching the horizon. I was driving down highway 54, in my blue ‘73 Super Beetle, watching for addresses on mailboxes I sputtered past. I found the place and pulled off the asphalt onto gravel at a Green Meadows sign. I parked and went looking for Trailer #14.

“Hey Johnny!” A girl’s voice called out. I looked around. “Over here!”

I spotted Tanya about 50 yards away, waving from the patio of a small manufactured house. A portable barbeque stood to one side of her, a picnic table to the other, and a Manager’s Office sign dangled above.

I jogged over. She greeted me with a bear hug and a kiss that landed half on my cheek, half on my lips. Tanya smelled like Vanilla mixed with cinnamon and chlorine. She was wearing flip-flops with bright red toenails, a skimpy, floral bikini bottom, and a Branson 10K Run t-shirt. Her black hair was pony-tailed, and pulled through the back of her Budweiser baseball cap.

“I’m glad you finally invited yourself over for dinner,” Tanya giggled.

“I thought…”

She patted me on the chest. “I’m just kidding, silly! I told my cousin Billy I thought you were cute, and next thing I know, he set us up.”

“Billy – your cousin?”

“Sure is.”

“I’d have never guessed.”

“Most people wouldn’t. But I’m glad you came. I always wanted to get to know you better.”

“Really? Me too.”

We shared a mutual smile.

Tanya winked at me and gestured to her attire. “Sorry I didn’t dress for the occasion. I had to take advantage of the first day of pool weather. And I got caught up with a tenant.”

“No problem.”

“Let’s go inside and get the beer and the meat,” she said and twirled.

I followed her through the screen door. She had athletic legs from working out, and a light step. She went into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“You live here?” I asked.

Tanya cracked open a can of Coors Light and handed it to me. “Yeah, it’s my side job, staying here at night, handling complaints.” She opened another beer. We clanked cans and drank. She put down her drink, went back in the fridge, and pulled out a tray of raw burgers.

“Like hamburgers, I hope?”

“Yeah.”

It was getting dark. Tanya turned on the porch light and the gnats and moths started dancing around it. I started the grill. We sat on the top of the wooden picnic table while the meat cooked. Our laughter was thick and neither of us had trouble sharing words. We tossed empties into a large garbage can and took turns running to the fridge for refills. The burgers were good. When we were finished eating, we stayed outside for a bit, had more beer, and kept talking. When the night air became chilly, we cleaned up and went inside.

“Let’s sit on the couch and watch some T.V.,” said Tanya. She plopped down and hit a button on the remote. MTV came on, playing the B-52s Love Shack.

“Alright,” I said. I reached into my cut-offs and pulled out the cellophane package. It dangled before Tanya. Her eyes widened.

She jumped up and snatched it from my hands. “Give me that! I didn’t know you smoked!”

“I never have.”

“Then what are you doing with this!” she accused, holding the package beyond my feigned reach and smirking.

“I…”

“Did Billy give you this?”

“Um…”

Tanya examined the bag. She opened it up and looked inside. She sniffed the contents, looked over to me, and nodded approval. “This stuff is good. I’ve had it before. I’ll go get my canoe.”

We sat on the couch, our thighs touching. Tanya showed me how to pack the canoe, how to light it, the way to inhale while the flame flickered, how to hold my breath. I coughed a lot at first, but got the hang of it.

After several rounds, Tanya threw her knee over mine, her arm around my neck, and leaned into me. She moaned, “I feel awesome. Let’s finish the baggie.”

So, we kept passing the canoe back and forth, taking turns packing it, flicking the lighter, inhaling, holding our breath, giggling, blowing smoke, falling into each other’s arms, and drinking more beer. We told deepest secrets. We went crazy over jokes that weren’t funny and wrestled around on the floor each time we disagreed about something. Sometime around 1:00am the baggy was empty and all the beer finished. Tanya grabbed me by the hand and we staggered to her bedroom. We fell into bed and it all happened.

The next day, I entered the gym smiling. I went back to the corner counter and found Billy. I leaned over to him and whispered, “Tanya wants me to go back tonight.”

“That will be $30.00,” said Billy, smiling, his silver tooth gleaming.