Johnny Wraith Stories

Robert and Alison go to bed. He stands there and waits for her to pull back the covers, then they both climb in. She takes the right side, by the lamp and the alarm clock. He takes the left. They say "goodnight," peck lips. Then she leans the other way and turns out the lamp. Lying there on their backs, side by side, she and he lock pinky fingers, like they always do. They shut their eyes.

A minute later, Robert's eyes pop open. "Alison?"

"What Robert, honey? I'm trying to sleep."

"I'd really like it if you shaved it all off, down there," Robert speaks into the darkness.

"What? My pubes? You have to be kidding."

"I'm not. Kidding. It would mean a lot to me."

Alison sighs and pulls her pinky finger away. She turns onto her side, her back to Robert.

"I…"

After a few minutes of silence, Alison rolls to her other side and faces her husband. "Robert, look, I don't get it. Why would you want me looking like a pre-pubescent girl?"

"I… I…"

"Robert?"

"Yes?"

"Be honest with me. Have you been looking at pictures on the Internet again?"

"I… I…"

"That's what I thought."

"But… it's the fashion these days. You've always worn fashionable clothes, so..." blurted Robert.

"Dear, look, God gave women pubic hair for a reason. It's natural. Now go to sleep. Tomorrow is a work day."

"Alison?"

"Yes?"

"God gave men beards too. And you hate beards. So I keep my face shaved."

"Robert?"

"Yes dear?"

"Grow a beard if you want."

Robert sighs. A minute passes. Then he complains into the darkness. "I never get what I want!"

Alison sighs. "Look, honey, you can have anything you want, but THAT. Just tell me what it is. I'll do it. Then we can get to sleep, finally.

Robert pauses.

"Robert? What's it going to be? I don't have all night."

"You said anything, right?"

"Yes dear."

"I'd like to try anal," Robert states frankly.

Alison jumps straight out of bed and flips on the lamp. Her arms flap wildly. "MY GOD ROBERT! WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU!"

Robert sits up in bed and shrugs, swallows hard. "But… you said…"

"ROBERT, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

"I… I…" Robert hangs his head.

Seeing her husbands dejection, Alison calms a bit. She pleads to him with outstretched arms. "Please honey, please… Please promise me you'll stop going to those filthy sites on the Internet. You don't always remember to clean your history, so… I know."

Robert slowly inhales and exhales but doesn't look up. "Yes dear."

"Good."

So, once again, they say "goodnight," and peck lips. She leans the other way and turns out the lamp. Lying there on their backs, side by side, she and he lock pinky fingers, like they always do. They shut their eyes.

A few minutes pass.

Alison speaks into the darkness. "Robert?"

"Yes dear?"

"I'll go down on you if you go down on me."

"If you go first."

"No way! You always just fall asleep right after you come."