Johnny Wraith Stories

The Old Masturbator

The Old Masturbator
Johnny Wraith - Tue Feb 07, 2006 @ 05:33PM
Comments: 2

He was 87. Not much remained for him. No assets. No children. He never kept a marriage and outlived all his friends. There was a long list of could-have-beens. Now he was dying in a hospital bed. His withered body ready to give in. Brown spots covered his bald head; his jowls drooped down his neck. He was all alone with a beeping monitor, his heart rate, and wires, a catheter. Regrets? Yes. There were plenty. But it wasn’t time to worry.

He closed his eyes, took his last breath, and remembered. The best day of his life. It was enough, all by itself.

It was morning. He was young, his skin tight, his body blessed with sunshine. He sat on a little balcony, perched on a cliff, overlooking the island caldera. A crescent filled with Mediterranean water, deep and blue. He sipped espresso from a small ceramic cup, while watching the white cruise ships below. No bigger than quarters.

She woke wearing only his t-shirt from the night before. She tiptoed to him and fell into his arms. Flowing black hair and lithe legs. They kissed between bites of croissant. They giggled with delight at each word, each gesture.

They hiked from morning to afternoon, from Fira to Oia, ascending the island until the Mediterranean stretched into the distance on all sides. It was the zenith of Santorini, and only beehives were there, buzzing. No one in sight. Rugged terrain, a winding path, bees, encircling sea. A gentle wind. Hot sunlight. They embraced. Fell to the ground and made love. Only the hum of buzzing bees, the sea breeze with light salt, mixed with the sounds of their moaning.

They held hands tightly the rest of the way to Oia. They passed little chapels, all alone on rocky slopes, overlooking the Mediterranean waters with white walls and blue domes. They stumbled upon donkeys draped in colorful blankets and wearing bells. The donkeys brayed. The bells clanged.

In Oia they discovered a small village draped in white stucco, blue rooftops, winding stone staircases leading straight into the sea. In a little café, while sipping wine, they watched the sun set into the deep, reaching Mediterranean. A panorama of blue, orange, red, and yellow pastel. Locals praised this sunset as the best in the world. The locals didn't lie.

When total night descended, they took a taxi back to Fira. They made love again and fell asleep, embracing tightly.

He rose the next morning to the reappearing sun he’d watched set the night before. He sipped espresso from a small, ceramic cup. It was dark and bitter. He watched the cruise ships sail into the caldera far below. No bigger than quarters. She appeared with naked feet and legs, in his t-shirt. She fell into his arms.

The monitor flat-lined.

Comments: 2

Comments

1. Zuky Leigh   |   Tue Jun 05, 2007 @ 11:09PM

Johnny,

Lord, I admired this piece. Indispensable beauty of one’s life. Memories seem to hold us together; moments in time intertwined and siphoned deeply into the indestructible core of our passionate hearts. I knew of a doctor many years past, who performed heart surgery almost every day of the grueling week. Once, a patient was in her mid 70’s and almost dying on the table, this particular doctor had to hold this person’s heart in the palm of his surgical-gloved hands. I recall him telling me that it was fiercely hot and burning on the surface of his skin, with such a violent temper of frequency.

Astonishing to me, he WAS holding her heart. That is a picture with indescribable words.

Pumping with pure blood and raging energy to keep itself alive. How rare is that for any of us. It was miraculous that the patient survived, but he never spoke of her to me after this happened. His work is very private.

Oddly, he did eventually express this one situation changed his life. On a day to day basis, he would always witness some kind of death in the vicinity of the hospital walls, yet this particular experience made him fall in love. Fall in love with life. Personally, he confided in me that when he would rest his face on the chest of his lover after sexual intercourse, he would always want to put his ear on her bosom. Just to listen to her pounding beat. I guess it made him feel more alive and real.

I for one, am an adrenaline junkie when it comes to treasures of past love affairs. They keep me going in my worst times in life. Exactly like your character.

I read every word with a rapturous breath, even though I knew he was going to die in the end. We all do eventually, yet how many of us actually have ecstasy in our minds before we take our last breath?

It seems in life nothing really matters except what is between our hearts and our sexual necessities; love and lovers. We hunger for both. Nonetheless, it seems masturbation takes place way before loving or falling in love, the two are tied so closely together. We go through such tragedy and supreme adventures in our lives. Once again, in reiteration – nothing really matters except for love and the memories of these sensations – and the sensations between our legs.

My dream before I die is to have climaxed with the most outrageous orgasm; taking my last breath of air with such emotional rapture.

That is pure heaven. It is to me, at least.

Zuky

2. Johnny Wraith   |   Mon Jun 11, 2007 @ 06:25PM

Zuky,

You've given some incredible feedback and insight on this piece. The story of the doctor actually holding the heart of his patient in his hands is an amazing one. You’ve got me thinking. Thank you.

When I wrote this story, all I intended to do was draw the old parallel between the orgasm and death, and in the old man’s case, his memory of a time he spent with a girl was the sexual act, and once he was finished relishing in this moment past, he died. He had his final orgasm, an ultimate release – a release from his flesh.

However, now, I can see that the act of masturbation has much more meaning than I originally considered. In many ways, in any encounter we have with another person, we don’t truly experience them. We experience the other just as we believe we are experiencing the other. We never can know exactly how they are experiencing the same encounter. There’s never truly a meeting of the souls. The individual’s imagination just conjures it up. I might actually hold someone’s heart in my hands and have the impression that I am experiencing that person’s very life force, but am I really? I may sleep with someone and be in direct contact with her body, but the immediate experience might not be as profound as when I am remembering the event many years later. So perhaps we are all damned to be an old masturbator in the end, as well as every day of our lives, in every encounter we have with another person. Experiencing another person is always solitary and lonely, but it can always be sacred if we give the encounter meaning from within ourselves.

Johnny

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