Ronald's 5-Step Plan, or How to Stop Gambling
I recieved some sage advice on conquering Gambling Addiction from my buddy Ronald. Here it is in it's glory:
And be sure to visit Ronald, The Cab Guy's blog for more of his wit and charm:
"Johnny,
If you're going to throw your money away on gambling anyway, the best way to obtain maximum benefit and enjoyment from a one hundred dollar bill is follow this simple, five-step process:
1. Take your hundred-dollar bill, go to a nice restaurant, have a forty dollar meal, leave ten for a tip, and insist you get your change in the form of a single fifty-dollar bill. Go home. Maybe listen to some soft music, or put in a DVD. Relax until you hear the call of nature.
2. Answer the call, taking along the fifty-dollar bill, and one of those resealable sandwich bags. Sit down on the throne, relax, and let nature take it's course. Meanwhile, pull out the fifty, and examine it closely. Look at the intricate design formed by the engraved plate upon the paper. Leave no detail unexamined. Commit it to memory. Consider how you exchanged one piece of paper, similar to the fifty, for a meal, and received a different piece of paper in return, and how absurd this course of action would appear to an African Bushman. When you are done doing your business, instead of toilet paper, use the fifty. Be careful: it's smaller, and rougher. It will get the job done, if you're patient. When your ass is clean, place the fifty in the sandwich bag, very carefully sealing the bag. Stand up, buckle up, and wash up.
3. Go down to the nastiest part of town, and find the dirtiest, grundgiest, smelliest hobo you can. Give him the fifty, safely secured in the sandwich bag, telling him he can only use the bill to buy himself a nice dinner. Drive him to the restaurant where you had dinner. Recommend his courses to him, reminding which wines would be appropriate. Tell him to tell the waitress to "keep the change."
4. Go home and consider how this whole process is a metaphor for life. It's how shit get passed down.
5. Laugh until you cry.
I did.
Ronald"
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