Johnny Wraith Stories

“Oh, Duuuuuuude! About the rickshaw driver. That was one crazy night man. She took me all over downtown in the rickshaw and we went from bar to bar and got hammered. You should see the legs on this girl!” he gestured to his own thighs with his hands around them. “I really wanted those muscular thighs around my neck! You know, rub my mustache right into the baby hole and clean it all out. Anyway, we got all hammered and I could barely stay in the rickshaw even when she took the turns wide and easy on the way to her place – when we decided to go there and ask the Wizard if we could have sex.”

“What? How did you decide to have sex and who the hell is the Wizard?”

“Simple. We were hammered, we started kissing and I had my hands on her tits and ass, and I asked if she wanted to have sex. She said yes, but we had to go ask the Wizard first.”

“What?”

“That’s right. Apparently, she had just joined some kind of coven and was becoming a witch, and she was on some kind of probation, so if she wanted to have sex she had to get the Wizard’s permission.”

“Who the hell is the Wizard? Some kind of warlock you mean, like the coven leader? Sounds like a scam where he gets to bang all the witches.”

“Exactly. And from what she said, he’d just gotten out of prison.”

“Good grief.”

“So we took the rickshaw all the way back to her place, this little run down house down on Sycamore Street and we went inside to talk to the Wizard. He had just moved in with her by the way. So anyway, when we found him he was unconscious and we couldn’t wake him up to get his permission, so, the Rickshaw Witch I call her, wait, she also said that before she became a witch she was a lesbian, so I call her the Lesbian Witch Rickshaw Driver. Anyway, she said we had to wait until he woke up before we could have sex. We needed his permission. So she asked if I wanted to smoke some grass.”

“You said yes.”

“Duuuuuuude! Of course! I’m neither an environmentalist nor a Republican. But get this! When she went to her stash it was empty. We examined the passed-out Wizard and discovered he was clutching an empty baggie and her pipe. He had smoked all of her marijuana. She was so mad she started kicking him in the ribs and the face and even bloodied his nose. It bled right into the carpet and he didn’t even wake up. I had to hold her back and it wasn’t easy because she’s pretty strong and I was so drunk. I had to check the Wizard to make sure he was still breathing.”