Ronald Matthew Kelly's Profile
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My Autobiograpical Obituary I, Ronald Matthew Kelly, known as "Matt" to my friends, "Ron" to my co-workers, and "Mr. Kelly" to my creditors, was born August 2, 1959, in the USA, to Arlene and Richard Kelly, two very nice people who grew up during the Depression; came of age, met each other in India, fell in love, married and started a family in the Fifties; and couldn't stand to live with each other by the middle Seventies. They were divorced a few days after my 18th birthday. Ain't Love Grand? I graduated in July of 1981 from Arizona State University, with a Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice. Not knowing what to do with my life, I went ahead and secured employment in the field of Law Enforcement, with the Arizona Department of Corrections. Initially excited by my career choice, I loved going to work each day, and within three years rose to a responsible position in lower middle management, where I eventually saw how government corporations really worked. This knowledge troubled me, and I came to despise the organisation I had so easily loved. The AzDOC and I parted ways in February of 1986. Ain't That A Shame? Having not learned remembered my lesson regarding governmental agencies, in February of 1990, I became a probation officer for the Pinal County, Arizona, Superior Court System. Although I initially loved my job... (well you've heard this before) ...despise the organization I had so easily loved. The Probation Department and I parted ways in September, of 1997. Ain't Work A Grind? In April of 1983, I met Betty Jo Gabriel (a pseudonym, no need to embarrass her here, she's suffered enough), the daughter of a co-worker. At first we did not like each other, but over a period of a few months, grew to not only to like and respect, but to love one another. We were married July 28, 1984, and began a decade of joyous living. Ain't Love Grand? On July 28, 1995, I underwent a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) procedure in an attempt to diagnose the cause of my recurring, acute headaches which became more frequent and severe since my graduation from college. On August 2, 1995 I was diagnosed with a benign (defined as non-cancerous, not non-harmful) prolactinoma (prolactin-secreting adenoma) of the pituitary gland. It was a golfball-sized brain tumor in a part of the brain not meant to house a golfball. Although treatment was begun immediatedly, and the size of the tumor was dramatically reduced to almost nothing, by mid-1998 I had almost completely succumbed to the severe hormonal effects of the tumor and the medications used to battle the tumor. Not to put to fine a point on it, I went nuts. Notice the coincidence of the dates of the procedure and the diagnosis? Ain't Life A Bitch? Needless to say, all of this trauma severely impacted my relationship with Betty Jo. We seperated in 1998. Attempts at reconcilation were apparently unsuccessful, as she divorced me in 2003. I did not learn of this until 2005, when quite by accident I found a Notification of Dissolution of Marriage in re: Ronald M. Kelly and Betty Jo Kelly (a married couple without children), while surfing the Internet. Although I hadn't seen Betty Jo since the middle of 2001, I assumed we were in fact still married. I cried. Then I laughed. Then I accepted my new status. Ain't Love Grand? I first met Johnny Wraith sometime in 1996. We became fast friends. When Betty Jo moved out, Johnny moved in. Our adventures were legendary. One night while in a philsopical discussion of the nature of life, fueled by alcohol and cigarettes, we invented a concept that would become known as Craig's List; of course we did not call it that. For whatever reason, we did not follow up on our ideas. Later on, someone else with more persistance and drive, gave birth to Craig's List. That person is probably now a millionaire, such status having eluded me and Johnny. Ain't Missed Opportunity A Mother? Later on, Johnny moved to another state, and we lost contact for several years. Over the years, attempts were made by both of us to re-establish contact. None were successful.
Ain't Friendship Grand? Now I drive a cab for a living, occasionally perform stand-up comedy, and write stories about my life and experiences. I have mostly recovered from my breakdown, and while the tumor will always be with me, I am currently a reasonably happy and well adjusted middle-aged man. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I laugh at funny jokes, cry at sad movies and I accept my situation, because life is what you make it. My Life is what I made it, and I wouldn't have it anyother way... Ain't That The Truth? |
